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Before | After

SGA Urban Legends Fic

Title: Anything that can go wrong, will...
Author: LttleDvl
Fandom: Stargate Atlantis
Pairing: John Sheppard/Rodney McKay
Rating: T (some slight sexual references)
Disclaimer: Nope, I don't own a bit of it; I just like to play around with the characters.
Urban Legend: Pilot locks himself out of the cockpit and has to use a fire axe to get back to the controls.
Word count: 1006



John pulled the jumper out of the steep dive he’d set it to, smirking slightly as Rodney clutched at the control panel. “Don’t do that!” he yelped. “I just ate.”

John only continued to smirk. He was supposed to be giving Rodney yet another flying lesson and he figured it was about time for him to learn a few of the more advanced piloting techniques. “Lighten up, Rodney,” he spoke in an easy tone. “We’re just having a bit of fun.”

“Fun?!” Rodney shot back. “You call spinning us through the air in wild circles fun? You could get us killed!”

John rolled his eyes; Rodney was, as usual, being overly paranoid. “Relax,” John stated casually, “We’re fine, its not like anything is going to happen.”

No sooner than the words had escaped his lips, the jumper controls began to beep ominously. Rodney got up with a grunt, “Nothing bad huh?” he growled sarcastically as he made his way to the rear computer access panels.

“Crap,” John muttered under his breath as he jabbed at the controls in an effort to make the insistent beeping stop. After a few moments, the jumper ceased to produce the annoying noise. John relaxed back into the pilot’s seat once more. “See, no problem,” he called over his shoulder.

“On the contrary,” the scientist shot back, “We have a major problem. Your little maneuvers somehow knocked the power converter offline so we’re currently running off what little power is stored in the backups. You’d better get us headed back before we lose all power and crash in a flaming fireball of death.”

John groaned; Rodney really was a drama queen at times. “It can’t be that bad.” He set the navigation system on a course to Atlantis and scrambled out of the seat, coming up behind Rodney and looking over the diagnostic display on the laptop.

Rodney yelped. “”Shouldn’t you be flying this thing?”

John waved a hand at him absently, “Its fine. I put it on autopilot.”

Rodney glared at him. “Jumpers don’t have autopilot!”

John shrugged, completely non-plussed, “I plugged the coordinates for Atlantis into the nav system, its basically the same concept. Sort of.” Rodney continued to glare. “It’ll be fine for a few minutes.”

Rodney pointed towards the forward compartment, “Get your butt back in there before something else goes wrong!”

“You’re such a worrywart. Besides,” John stated smugly, “wouldn’t you rather my butt, my very cute butt as you so eloquently put it last night, to stay right here with you?” He waggled his eyebrows at the other man.

Rodney crossed his arms over his chest and gave him a cold stare. “Now is not the time, Colonel.” He spoke John’s rank as if it were a harbinger of ill-omen. “So move your ass and go fly this damn thing!”

“Ooh, I love it when you talk dirty.”

John had to suppress a laugh as Rodney’s cheeks turned a lovely rosy shade of pink.

“You’re completely incorrigible.”

“Why thank you.” John smirked and turned, headed for the forward compartment only to have the door slide shut right under his nose. “Change your mind, did you?”

“I didn’t do it!” Rodney snapped.

John glanced behind himself to find Rodney frantically shifting crystals. “The slow drain of power is beginning to affect some of the systems. Eventually, they’ll all fail.” He gave John a pointed look, “Including navigation.”

John cursed softly under his breath and began to try to force the door open.

“That won’t work,” Rodney stated not-so-helpfully.

“Oh yes it will,” John replied as popped open the storage compartment, digging through the various pieces of equipment inside. “Cut the power to the door, I can’t open it if I’m fighting the seal.”

“And exactly how are you going to do that?” was the scorn-filled question.

“With this!” John declared triumphantly as he pulled out a standard military issue shovel and held it up as if it were some kind of revered prize.

Rodney gaped at him in disbelief. “What the hell are you going to do with that? Dig your way through the door?”

“Nope,” John replied as he rammed the tip of the shovel into the crack of the door, “I’m going to use it as a wedge to pry the door open.” He heard the grumbling reply, but didn’t pay it much attention as he began to work the shovel’s edge further into the crack. He would worry about Rodney later. For if what he said was true, and much to John’s annoyance he was hardly ever wrong, he needed to get back to the controls before they really did wind up crashing. Whether or not fire would be involved was questionable, but John wasn’t particularly eager to find out.

After a few tense moments and numerous whining-like noises, John finally made enough of an opening to be able to work his fingers in the small gap, pushing with all his might. The doors began to budge, but at an agonizingly slow pace. It seemed like forever before John was able to squeeze himself though and he stole a quick glance out the cockpit window, the ocean filling his vision at an alarming rate. He heard a slight whine behind him; no doubt Rodney was getting his first glimpse of the rapidly approaching scenery.

John flung himself at the controls, fighting to bring the jumper out of its descent, pulling back on the controls for all he was worth, grumbling and cursing under his breath. The jumper finally leveled out just a mere few feet above the water’s surface and John let out a huge sigh of relief. “See, no problem.”

“I am never flying with you again.”

John glanced over his shoulder at the other man. “That’s okay.” He grinned foolishly. “You don’t have to fly with me, just as long as you continue to screw me.” Rodney grumbled something incoherent and spun back into the rear compartment.

John smirked as he pointed the jumper towards the city. Another disaster successfully averted.